flowers in the wasteland *

2009-10-20T20:53:00.001+08:00

Hey, aren't you glad this is over?Yes, it's over. No more blogging.

2009-10-12T00:47:00.002+08:00

I've got pain on my lower abdomen and I'm waiting for my mefanamic acid to take its effect. I'm feeling a little miserable. Nothing I do makes it better. I have a sudden thought: I want to die in the comfort of my own home.

2009-10-11T19:41:00.001+08:00

Wished I had a talent like that too.

2009-10-08T11:03:00.002+08:00

THAT BLARDIE BITCH.

2009-10-07T16:23:00.002+08:00

I went out with my colleagues after work yesterday to watch "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" and a game of Cranium and Taboo at Minds' cafe. The fellowship was great, laughed our guts out and promised we'd do it again.I symphatise with this new nurse who joined the "force" just few months back. Honestly, I'm praying that a she will find her passion and joy in nursing. It seems her days never

2009-10-03T06:27:00.002+08:00

It's 6.27am and I'm waiting to catch my flight here in Taipei airport. My annual leave's drawing to a close, how sad. Little sister and I had breakfast earlier in Macdonalds at Ximending. She said she can't wait to go back home.I don't think I enjoyed my trip fully. The weather was horrible. It rained almost every day and now that it's October, there's also typhoon. Almost everything here is

2009-09-27T03:43:00.002+08:00

I had two weird yet real dreams in a day. One, I dreamt I almost fell off the Niagara falls. God knows how I ended up there because I travelled by car from home to the site. I assume I lost my balance and was trying to climb "up" by myself. Second, I dreamt they were both back together and weirdly, I was crushed. I thought I was over it. Odd. I'm waiting for time to pass, really. I cannot imagine

2009-09-20T10:07:00.002+08:00

I'll be running away pretty soon. In a week's time to be exact. I'm super duper exhausted from my 1st night. I did have ample rest before duty, I can't explain why I'm so tired. It was made worse when I had to sponge my Yokozuna patient. Ahhh, my poor shoulders and back are breaking already. Salonpas is my only solution to ease those aches. Another night to go, I've got to hang in.

2009-09-18T20:19:00.002+08:00

I probably am going to agree that I work in one of the worst wards. I could hardly breathe with the amount of workload and the responsibility that is weighed on me. I simply lost my cool as the NIC, vented my frustrations on the rest. I'm covering a colleague's night shift over the weekend and this stupid SAP system is on downtime. I honestly do not know how am I to cope. I'm so tempted to pack

2009-09-16T00:00:00.000+08:00

I think she looks like my friend Carolene Liew. It's Wednesday already.

2009-09-11T10:56:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats the comfort of my own room. I hope the alarms will not be ringing in my head today. I should be thankful my first night was more settled as compared to my 2 other colleagues although I had one patient whom repeatedly peed on the floor and didn't allow me to change his pants except to mop the floor. I had to call security and tied him down after he refused nebuliser and oxygen

2009-09-10T00:43:00.002+08:00

He made me smile today. She asked if he would like a cup of milo and he said yes.I said he should take his medications too, he agreed so I went to prepare them. He must be playing a prank on me because he refused the medications that I brought. I went to fetch a cup of water and thought I should coax him with a packet of crackers. I went into the cubicle, the medications were gone! I was told he

2009-09-08T00:47:00.003+08:00

I had an interesting Monday and a disastrous Monday too. Interesting because I met my primary school friend Mindy, and a then-house officer in the ward. Thing was, I didn't even recognise them (the fact we had our masks on). Mindy asked if I were so-and-so and I just went, "oh dear, bad news travel fast.. have I done something nasty even the pharmaceutical department knew". Turns out, she just

2009-09-06T12:52:00.003+08:00

But i'dI rather you be mean than love and lie.I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye.I'd rather take a blow at least than I would knowbut baby don't you break my heart slow.

2009-09-06T02:25:00.001+08:00

2009-09-05T00:50:00.002+08:00

I love coats! And I miss the days in Tucson when it's super chilly in the night. I'm thinking how come I didn't wear one when Mich and I went out in the middle of the night to Walmart or the theatre to watch Bridewars.The coat is still in my wardrobe collecting dust.

2009-09-02T00:16:00.002+08:00

I wonder what it'd be like if someone is to film my every move especially when I'm at work. My friends will probably be speechless to how nasty and bitchy and ridiculous I can get. At the rate I'm going, I probably will retain a high level of pCO2, my blood pressure will reach sky high till my blood vessels burst. No, I'm not complaining about my work (again). I just need to ventilate.Sigh, I

2009-08-31T10:27:00.002+08:00

Today, I feel like giving up.

2009-08-29T09:40:00.002+08:00

My shoulders are so sore by now and hooray! It's my sleeping day and rest day tomorrow, after eleven days of non-stopworking. I've been a faithful user of salonpas and my colleague's suggesting I see a physiotherapist for the nagging aches. I'm going for a massage somewhere near home and the ginger therapy is a must try! Man, thinking of it makes me drool already. I've just completed the

2009-08-27T01:17:00.003+08:00

We talked over dinner and about him. Sometimes I need advice from someone older and I think I'll heed her advice. Allow myself more time and see if it's all worth it. Perhaps it's a phase of doing friend-searching. Everyone changes therefore I shouldn't be too hard on myself.

2009-08-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

Thank God for God.

2009-08-20T08:43:00.003+08:00

Go: www.alexostrowski.com for moreI'm having disrupted sleep yet again. I'm convincing myself to 'keep calm and carry on' but it's not working. I wished I needn't worry so much. I wished things can work out far better than it is now. I wished it's like everyone else. No tension, no barriers.If only we could all be happy. If only there was no blue or gloomy days, hormonal imbalances. If only

2009-08-20T00:16:00.000+08:00

2009-08-17T23:20:00.001+08:00

Who are your true friends?Do you know?

2009-08-13T01:29:00.000+08:00

I'm so thankful I stormed through the past eight days working nonstop and I know God was with me. It was no laughing matter being the NIC, screaming and shouting at the other nurses, giving IVs, the crazy number of discharges and admissions and the number of followups I had to do because most appointments had to be postponed due to the long weekend. I'm thankful to God for sending skinny monkey

2009-08-08T13:19:00.002+08:00

I woke up at 3 in the morning feeling shagged, I think I had a really bad realistic dream. But all I could recall was Michelle came back from A without godson. Then there were a series of other patient related events all in one. Maybe I'm in a crisis but I'm not admitting.It's really scarry, I hope it won't repeat tonight. Time for work; it's day four now.

2009-08-07T23:47:00.000+08:00

I've never likes doctors anyway but this particular doctor make me cringe a hell lot. Nothing is ever important nor urgent for him. His attitude sucks. I wonder what make him go to medical school anyway. He accused me of threatening him when I merely told him to speak to the patient's husband before he really lodges a complain against him. Tell me I'm too soft hearted....

2009-08-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

My shift sucked. Technically speaking, I wasn't even supposed to on morning shift. She sounded desperate to change shift with me so I agreed. Someone took mc today so I the role of NiVu and NIC was once again thrown at me. God's favour was probably upon me, I thought I coped relatively well. It was old hag's comments that irked me. I hope she knows she makes matter worse and she disappeared

2009-08-04T02:55:00.000+08:00

I should be sleeping at this hour but I can't! I couldn't resist so I bought an itouch and upgraded my Singtel plan and got a new phone. I was supposed to wait till the 25th for the iphone but I couldn't wait any longer. It seemed like getting the itouch was a much wiser choice soooo... Oh! Laolian, thank you for everything! Could see the angst in your eyes.. your poor feet, hehe!I'm going to try

2009-07-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

The problem is I love my job I don't think I'll ever want to quit. I love the cute grannies & grandpas, it's the super concerned/paranoid relatives that drive me up the wall. Even the houseman asked me not to sigh, but the days are getting worse. More problems are arising, especially this H1N1 issue and makes all of us crazy. It's night shift tomorrow. I cannot wait for my day off on Sunday

2009-07-27T18:54:00.000+08:00

I made a huge mistake by agreeing to work on Saturday morning. I had to run the ward as the NIC (nurse in charge) and NIVU (non-invasive ventilation unit). Eve always say that I'm calculative but I think there are a lot worse than myself. My other colleague refused to be the NIC even when I was the only NIVU trained, saying " I don't want" firmly. Honestly, I don't see a point in arguing. It'll

2009-07-23T01:32:00.003+08:00

Isn't she a darling? I went over to my colleague sister's house because she said a friend was bringing a 2 week old puppy over. The puppy looked so cute, just like the one from Marley&me. Puppy was found loitering at a construction site and apparently, her mom died, 2 other siblings were knocked over by a car. She had bugs all over her so they bathed and cleaned her. I can't wait till she

2009-07-20T10:37:00.003+08:00

HOW TRAGIC!

2009-07-19T10:36:00.003+08:00

I miss those days watching the movie. And by the way, it's over.

2009-07-18T12:54:00.002+08:00

In fact, there are a million things that I want to blog about but I don't know how to pen them down in words. Well, one.. my ipod went asystole and I'm so handicapped without it. I'm relying on my handphone for entertainment now. Second, brother went for lasik surgery. Poor mom had to wake every hour to instill eye drops for him but he's so ungrateful. Throwing temper and portraying his million

2009-07-15T22:16:00.002+08:00

I've been "forced" to take annual leave for today and tomorrow because the ward census is really low and it doesn't need my service. I'm feeling really bored and I did almost nothing but sleep, eat, youtube, facebook and watch TV. I know I should spend my time well but owells, everyone's working and hardly have time for me. H1N1 is stupid, honestly. It disrupts our daily routine, creates

2009-07-09T12:43:00.002+08:00

I never felt much for MJ's sudden death. Well, I did listen to his music while I was growing up, watched his 'Thriller'/'Heal the World'/'Black or White' but never felt that the world lost something. His appearance scared me. I've watched interviews wondering if he just lied straight in the camera. I've just youtube-d his memorial, and I pray that he's in a better place. I can't help but think if

2009-07-07T11:11:00.002+08:00

I'd say it's one of my best night shift. I went for breakfast with my 2 other colleagues, gossiped over tea about old hag, how certain China nurses stepped on our tails/sucked our blood and how bad other wards might be as compared to ours. It made me realise the grass may not be greener on the other side. Makes me feel relieved that I'm not the only one in the boat cruising and the rest are

2009-07-03T05:10:00.002+08:00

Do you believe in luck? Well, biblically.. I don't but at times, I can't help it. Seems like every time I work with this particular nurse, she'll karate her "force" to me and tadaaaa! My patient ceased breathing, in a blink of an eye. Well, it's not like an unexpected thing but.. on my shift? Darn! I hardly know the uncle anyway. It's just painful to see his wife crying and asking why he went on

2009-06-28T23:28:00.002+08:00

How do you feel when a friend tells you, "I don't know how to communicate with you?"I simply wish I never had such a friend.

2009-06-24T02:13:00.002+08:00

And so I tell myself that this friendship ends here. We're both of different frequency. He used to be my confidante but now, it's over. There's no point in having a friendship based on misunderstandings, accusations etc. Perhaps I'm the petty one. Maybe I'm the narrow-hearted one.

2009-06-16T10:34:00.002+08:00

I had a happy 23rd birthday! Lunch with Reese, pizza with mom& lil' sister, steamboat & kbox with Amy & Maggie, Hannah Montana with Habakkuk, MINDS' & thai express & TCC with my collegues, graveyard & carlsberg with Sebastian & Joel. Man, I never knew I had so many friends. I've got so many people to thank!

2009-06-12T23:21:00.000+08:00

I am her.

2009-06-11T23:48:00.002+08:00

I cried a lot today. I was so close to knocking off and she had to tell me she knocked her forehead against the grip bar. As much as they say, "the report isn't to hold it against you" or "they aren't supposed to bring it up during appraisal" or "it's just to cover yourself & the hospital".. having to write one is traumatising. Especially when I've had a clean record the past 3 years. Really, I

2009-06-09T17:46:00.002+08:00

Lil' sister said the show's nice so she psycho-ed me into it. It's a little too highschool-y but I'm still young at heart so it doesn't matter. (: I was telling Kristine the other day how I felt like I was playing masak-masak in NIVU, feeding my old popo (granny in cantonese) and applying saneryn ointment as if applying makeup. She says I'm crazy. Owells. I'm on nightshift today again and I'm

2009-06-07T17:09:00.002+08:00

It's the time of the year again.A-P-P-R-A-I-S-A-LYou know it's THE period of the year whereby you trrrrrrry not to step on her tail and do everything as per HER accord. It fails all the time for me, for 2 years at least. The memo was totally uncalled for. I wouldn't blame my new colleague because she forgot about the medication supply and dragged myself into this pot of hot soup. As usual, old

2009-06-06T23:32:00.002+08:00

When will my misfortune ever end? Why do I feel like no matter how much I try, it's never good enough?

2009-06-03T03:42:00.002+08:00

Good morning Singapore! It's 3.43am and because I slept for 18 hours earlier, I can't sleep now. Simply great. And I called Mich earlier, she's going for Jap lunch.. probably on her way to the restaurant now. I should have brought the alprazolam home because the piriton I popped earlier obviously ain't working. It's Reese's birthday today.. Happy 23rd love, and thank you for being a pillar of

2009-05-30T12:25:00.002+08:00

I am on night shift today and I'm not sleeping. I think I might have a problem. I have a blog but I don't know what to blog about. It gives me a weird feeling, doesn't feel the same like how I did 6 years ago. All the whining and complaining.. I'm wondering if it's a "age" thing, like when you're turning 23, you don't want to blog about feelings anymore? or tell the cyberspace your story except

2009-05-25T11:59:00.002+08:00

When troubles come, I wish I could hide myself in a cave.

2009-05-22T23:55:00.002+08:00

May has not been a good month either. Old hag hasn't been kind, manpower sucked like hell and friends are.. well, what can I say? I cried myself to sleep the other day after seeing what my friend replied. Friend: Sometimes it really depends on how well you get along with your boss. You need to make small talk with them. Work is really not just work. A lot of human relationship involved. I'm

2009-05-19T13:02:00.002+08:00

NIVU patients really test my patience. The stupid old hag had me in NIVU alone yesterday struggling with the ultra restless patient whom despite being bodily and hand restrained, continued attempting to get out of bed, reaching for the IA line, BIPAP etc. The worst hit when the doctor wanted to intubate her if her ABG got worst. I know there's a shortage of manpower everywhere but the ward is

2009-05-15T08:35:00.003+08:00

Doesn't Violet look like she's carrying her lil sister, Seraphina?

2009-05-14T01:12:00.000+08:00

I wish I was her.

2009-05-10T23:37:00.001+08:00

Happy Mothers' Day mom.

2009-05-09T00:00:00.003+08:00

Tears were welling in my eyes when I heard how she thought of me. Although it was true that I had been taking a number of sick leaves, I don't think I "always" take them. At least I'm not one of those who bootlicks and I'm genuine. It's so disheartening to know how you're viewed. Why work so hard when she sees only your flaws? When will justice prevail?

2009-05-08T01:14:00.001+08:00

How long will I wait?

2009-05-04T11:11:00.002+08:00

One collapse at 6.50am. An hour before I knock off from work. He looked horrible when we found him unresponsive. He was fine when we sponged and oral suction-ed him. It must have been a MI. Thankfully, we managed to revive him.

2009-04-29T22:43:00.002+08:00

Work is more than bad. It's tragic. 1 staff nurse and junior nursing 15 patients, 4 supervised feedings, 1 NGT, endless number of diaper changing.. the list goes on. I know no matter the number of whinings, the situation won't get better unless HR recruits more nurses who can work, advice people against resigning, stop shuffling nurses to other wards cause our manpower is pathetic enough. I know

2009-04-28T22:19:00.003+08:00

I've lost track of the day and date, my collegues are probably annoyed with me for the constant reminder since we aren't allowed to wear watches at work. I wouldn't say life is mundane because it's so eventful at work. Now that the swine flu is up, makes it even more interesting. I wish we needn't use our N95 because it's so suffocating. I'm not sure whether it'll really hit the shores but I'm

2009-04-27T12:20:00.003+08:00

Saturday was the hospital's dinner and dance. Food was below average, entertainment wasn't fantastic but seeing my ward MO on stage was hilarious. Never knew he was so sporting. Now I know what he can do other than doctor-ing. He can be a superman, a power ranger, a batman.. And so I took pictures at CATS (wasn't allowed). Nasty looking photos but who cares right? I can listen to Carrie

2009-04-24T02:52:00.002+08:00

I bought a moisturiser from Bobbi Brown today and I hope I'll use it religiously.You know, I'm the world most lousiest person you can turn to when you're desperately sad and crying buckets.

2009-04-21T18:21:00.002+08:00

My first night was bad and I was in NIVU again. I generally do not like being in it especially at night. I'm left to nurse four rowdy patients, from diaper changing to nebulisers to IVs to sponging to hourly parameters to ABGs. And because bipap masks are so uncomfortable (they say it's as if your face is being sucked into timbuctoo) so the patients are always finding ways to remove them. I don't

2009-04-20T00:34:00.002+08:00

CATS, over. It was good, although I never liked cats. I brought the binoculars JQ lent. Peeping through, I could see the tears rolling down her cheeks. I'm hoping for more spectacular musicals.
A bizarre shift. There's never enough manpower, isn't it? The call bells wouldn' stop ringing. 2 staff nurses, 2 juniors to run the entire ward. While serving medication, I overheard the relatives

2009-04-14T05:31:00.001+08:00

My situation: Crisis of CreditCATS, the musical: Tomorrow, not today (damn)

2009-04-13T12:15:00.002+08:00

I'm quite reluctant to take mc today but my eyes are sore and painful. I think I cried too much. Plus, there's a lump on my nose and it hurts like mad. My throat is sore, I'm coughing and mucus is dripping. Tomorrow is CATS, the musical day and I've been looking forward to it. April has been a tough windy teary month. I've been hoping this will be a great week, but seems like chances are pretty

2009-04-12T16:59:00.002+08:00

It was good meeting Reese again over dinner + drinking although Mich was missed badly. :( I managed to proof Reese W R O N G my drinking threshold wasn't that bad (all the martell's fault!). It's a fantabulous feeling having a friend whom understands what you're going through and offers you wise and comforting advice. Thank you Reese, (: Jia you for your upcoming exams.As for that appointment

2009-04-07T05:08:00.002+08:00

Good morning, it's 5am in the morning. I wish I can sleep a few minutes more but nah. Pretty paranoid I might be late for work so I better not. Work is exhausting. It's unbearable and I want to scream and shout. Maybe it's my incapability. I'm too slow, or too disorganised. Perhaps I shouldn't put the blame on old hag all the time. I don't know. I'm not the only one who's complaining. I had an

2009-04-04T21:59:00.001+08:00

I wish. Gotta be ready for work tomorrow again. Gear up for the new week jakie!

2009-04-02T12:40:00.002+08:00

"You are my shield, my strength, my portion, deliverer, my shelter, strong tower, my very present help in time of need"Hillsong's Made Me GladI feel a lot better today. At least I managed to sleep at 10pm yesterday. God must have heard me. No amount of girly therapy could mend the hurt and tension. I had a spa pedicure, head & neck massage, a fringe cut, bought a cap and a bag yet I still cried

2009-04-01T03:12:00.003+08:00

When skinny monkey told me I had to write a memo for old hag yesterday evening, tears were in my eyes. I never expected it, never thought the son would accuse me of "not doing anything" or "just sat on the chair".To: NM Old HagFrom: SN Jacqueline LinOn 31/3/09, at 10.30pm, Mr A (IC: S1234567I)’s SpO2 desaturated to 55% therefore I informed the medical officer on duty, Dr B. Mr A's son, Mr C was

2009-03-31T10:37:00.002+08:00

:(I had a busy night shift. There were so much to do and I was so tensed the medical officer on call asked me to relax. He said my face was getting redder, haha. It was all the son's fault! It didn't knew what ''visiting hours are over" meant. Neither did he know how to keep his tone down and he raised his voice at me. Argh. If only his dad wasn't an A class patient. I would have kicked him in

2009-03-30T18:01:00.002+08:00

It's the start of another week for the majority and mine hasn't ended yet (got to work for 7 days). March is coming to an end and I hope April will be a better week. Sigh, I can't decide between Mr Big and Aden.

2009-03-28T10:49:00.002+08:00

I don't know how to describe the situation at work. Could have been worse if old hag's around (she's on leave). Skinny monkey's screaming all day long, commenting on the ward's work processes and how disorganised it is. I somehow agree with her, and somehow I see her as "the light". Majority of us have intentions of leaving (not sure about myself) and a few has already left since I joined the

2009-03-26T23:57:00.003+08:00

I admire those who have the courage to speak about their weakness/problems. I've always chosen to run away or not speak about it in fear that I'd get hurt deeper. I think I've suffered quite a fair bit and compromised tons of things. I know I should face my fears but it isn't as easy as it sounds. I really don't know how to reject my friend's offer.

2009-03-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

JUST SMILE AND LET IT GO

2009-03-21T02:10:00.002+08:00

We're doing quite a number of night shifts ever since the new roster came out. The good thing about it is seeing an increment of 30 bucks on your pay check, the bad.. darker eye bags. I rather sleep to be honest. And so Mdm L slept for eternity earlier on. Her son, who's a paediatric consultant wanted CPR but no intubation.If my loved one is to slip into a DIL status, I wonder what I'd opt for.

2009-03-16T12:09:00.002+08:00

OMFG (oh my freaking goodness)! I think skinny monkey is on the same shift as I am. I think I haven't introduced my new superior. She's as skinny as a monkey, screams, yells, mimics like one. I hope my day turns out fine. I can forget about peaceful, because monkeys don't whisper.

2009-03-14T11:42:00.002+08:00

I'm dreading work again. O how I hate heading to work on a Saturday/Sunday afternoons. Freak weather is so hot and people going town to play.I cannot wait to get home in the night. Cannot wait.

2009-03-14T02:56:00.001+08:00

Good night my love

2009-03-13T02:46:00.002+08:00

I know this assault thingy is so ''last century'' but I simply cannot make myself believe Chris Brown did this (see picture) to her. "A verbal argument ensued and Brown pulled the vehicle over on an unknown street, reached over Robyn F (Rihanna), opened the car door and attempted to force her out. Brown was unable to force Robyn F out of the vehicle because she was wearing a seat belt. When he

2009-03-11T02:52:00.002+08:00

1. Mood:* tired although I had a good sleep prior to work2. Sippin' on:* plain water3. Eyes:* they're tired, dry, sore.. post-conjunctivitis4. Fragrance:* clinque's Happy5. Current Obsessions:* browsing through wedding photos (:6. Outfit:* scrub suit, haha7. Mascara:* not a mascara sort but the ones from Loreal are good enough8. Makes me happy:* julius, plane rides, good movies9. Weekly goals:*

2009-03-10T00:40:00.002+08:00

I woke up feeling extremely exhausted, as if my dreams were real. They tell me it's the stress but I think not. A patient collapsed while standing, no nurses to help in the ward except myself and the doctor, the preparation room with nothing medical-related, the very heavy bunch of vital keys I was holding, fear and stress all collected into one. Horrible. I felt like a zombie. I can't express

2009-03-09T00:32:00.002+08:00

I found her familiar, just couldn't say where and when I've seen her. "You're a teacher, right?" Mrs P. I remember that fussed up face, the I-teach-only-the-smart-kids look. No too good an impression but interesting way of meeting her.. while giving an IV.

2009-03-08T00:01:00.002+08:00

I met my ex-colleague after work earlier, couldn't help but talked about work (as if it wasn't enough). Well, we figured we can only retire at about 65-70 and, we have many many years to go! And all the politics that are circulating, the old never retire, and young ones aren't giving us a good time and what not. Sigh, I feel dejected just thinking of all these. The thought of storing treasures

2009-03-06T21:25:00.002+08:00

I went blind for a day all thanks to conjunctivitis. I'm thinking which "kind" soul passed it to me since I haven't worn contact lenses for a pretty long time. Wonder what old hag is going to say about it tomorrow. It's not as if I chose to have my eye infected, I don't even know who gave them to me. My manager sucks. SIGH!My sister was such a gem. She helped me to the clinic, hailed cabs for me,

2009-03-01T14:52:00.002+08:00

I've always wanted an off day on Sunday but now I know why I shouldn't. From the day I finished my night shift till today, mom hasn't stopped accusing me of things I didn't do. First, she said I didn't close the gate after returning home at 2 am on Saturday when I was on night shift. Second, she claimed I've switched on the air conditioner for the longest time when I just got home from work and

2009-02-26T03:33:00.002+08:00

"OH JESUS, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!"I really wish I can murder him but that'll make me end up in hell. I really do not know what to do with him anymore. I've tried coaxing, negotiating, exchanging but none of it worked. Can't count the number of times he attempted to remove the oxygen mask despite being bodily and hands restrained. I was fumming mad and felt the urge to just deoxygenate him

2009-02-25T06:05:00.002+08:00

My eyes can hardly open and I'm freaking sleepy. Can't wait for 7.30am to strike, pack my bag and leave the ward. My patients are generally okay, falling into deep sleep occassionally falling into deep sleep which aggrivates the annoying alarm signalling the desaturation. Sponged 3 of them, then took ABGs, did some housekeeping, wrote my report.. and as I type, the annoying alarm beeps again (

2009-02-24T19:01:00.002+08:00

This is really bad.. I think I secretly likes Jolin Tsai but refuses to admit. (: Ahh, I'm doing 4 nights this round and it starts today. ):I think I'm too stressed. "Kan wo 72 bian!"Maddie made tang yuan today, Eveie!

2009-02-22T00:06:00.002+08:00

I guess I'm probably that worst friend you can have and am the worst balance-r on the planet. I can't juggle work with play or leisure or friendship and it's either this or that. And so, I've focused more on work these days (months maybe) and left out the friendship and leisure part, offended a few people etc. I don't know what to say really. Because I'm aware of the issues yet I don't quite feel

2009-02-20T10:08:00.002+08:00

It's a good movie. It's a struggle to go to work, everyday. SIGH!

2009-02-18T01:05:00.001+08:00

To Nurse Manager old hag,"fuck you, fuck you very very much"With love, Miss Upset

2009-02-17T19:35:00.002+08:00

If I were a mother..there'll be messy hair and stripped pyjama pants and rugged t-shirt watching tv all day long and wouldn't even know my child's choked on milk. I miss Javien and her mommy. Sigh, I wished I could be lost in time again. It's an amazing feeling. Having my day off again and the next one will be next Sunday. Old hag's indeed a great roster planner. I smell MC.

2009-02-14T23:45:00.002+08:00

My colleague gave me froggy as a Valentines' gift and her instructions to me were, "Kiss it every day until your prince charming comes" and I couldn't help but burst into laughter. I thought those words were the sweetest I've ever heard. Froggy's sitting next to my laptop and he's going to stay put for 2009. Hope Valentines' day isn't too bad for all. I worked my day through, so yours shouldn't

2009-02-13T17:37:00.002+08:00

I'm having mixed feelings of bitterness and happiness. Bitter towards old hag, happiness to God knows who and why. No, not because tomorrow's Valentines' day. I'm not HAPPY, happy.. I still find reasons to smile, so.. Anyway, got back to work since last Saturday and, I'm not complaining.. just now that I'm in NIVU, things are pretty slow paced, and thank God my patients aren't critically ill that

2009-02-10T05:32:00.002+08:00

My shift ends in another 2 hours. Won't say that I'm in a rush to go back, just that my eyes are sore and my back is giving way very soon. Night shift isn't very bad this round, just that I have a stubborn patient whom insists on dying despite me telling her that it wasn't my job to do so. Convincing her to put back that nasty bipap mask was a challenge and she insisted I was bullying her when it

2009-02-09T03:36:00.002+08:00

I came to know that my classmate received Christ a few hours back. A sense of joy just filled me even while I was giving my IVs to 2 other patients and thought, "wow Heaven must be rejoicing". I remember him as someone who stuck close to his own beliefs and was pretty sure of what he believed in. God works in His ways that I may not understand but I'm damn sure it works for our good and He is too

2009-02-07T12:37:00.002+08:00

I wish I needn't work at all. We all have wishes don't we? Wishes are childish. They never work.Even if we chant a million zillion times, it still never will.

2009-02-07T01:22:00.000+08:00

If life is but a breeze..